new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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