I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
