Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
