The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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