I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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