So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
