these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
