Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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