She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
