i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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