I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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