He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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