i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Randomize
