That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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