if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
is wine microwaveable?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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