When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
