so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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