Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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