Dual....:-)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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