I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
