So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
