Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize