saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
