I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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