does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
