maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
how does that bad decision feel?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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