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Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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