everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
