I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
