u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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