Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize