the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
