im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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