i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize