I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
dude. I can hear the air.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
