I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
