Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
