It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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