they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
