Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
