There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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