3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
