I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
