Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the liver wants what the liver wants
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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