Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
