Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
