he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Found the puke drawer
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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