Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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