i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
