every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
