You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
