there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
