hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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