I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
