took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
