drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drunk is a universal language darling
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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