shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
