Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
