Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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