After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I understand Curling. That high.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
