i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
