But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
