At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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