So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
