YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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