Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
