I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
