I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
