Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize