You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
