Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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