Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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