Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
