I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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