I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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