just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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