Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
