No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
