Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Everclear isn't food dammit
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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