She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
